Hijinks Inc.

Hey there, New Guy #2 coming at you by the name of David, er, of the Graham variety. I’ll probably be quite a bit less “tech” than Jared, and a bit more video game/random oriented, if you’d like a rough approximation of what to expect from me. In fact, this post here, should give you a good indication of what to expect, so without further ado, let’s hit it!

I want to look at the perennial little brother today, the man in green, Luigi Mario. Oh yeah, but first-

SPOILER WARNING! I’ll be talking about several games featuring Luigi, old and new, so if your paranoid about learning something you’d rather not, this is your last warning. So there.

So, I’ve been playing several different games featuring Mr. Green here lately. Smash Bros. Brawl for certain, but I also recently finished Paper Mario 2: The Thousand Year Door after playing it off and on for, oh, TWO YEARS (not that it’s bad, it’s quite good, but, you know, SCHEDULES).

My question is, when did Luigi become such a freaky guy? Seriously, check out the summary of his Final Smash Attack from Brawl.

“Negative Zone: As exotic music plays, he performs a dance befitting a sorcerous incantation. A barrier envelops him, negatively impacting all in his area. Random effects include getting launched, sleeping, moving in slow motion, tripping, fainting, and losing attack power. This technique is a reflection of the dark side he embraced in his brother’s shadow.”

What the mylanta!? There is also a door In Mario and Luigi: Partners In Time that he can’t get through because it finds him “unworthy” probably do to a “dark secret from his past.” What’s with the creepy-guy-next-door factor Nintendo is pushing here?

Okay, okay, let’s rewind here. I’m not sure how “cannon” the old cartoons or Valiant comics are (ed. let’s be frank - there is no cannon in the Mario-verse), but Luigi was always portrayed as a bit, shall we say, cautious? So, okay, I guess I can see maybe this full blown ghost phobia (as seen in Luigi’s Mansion and recently Mario Galaxy) as a way to procure “personality” for the guy. But if you’ve played a bit of the story mode in Smash Bros. Brawl, you’ll see Luigi cowering at the casual passing of a Waddle Dee like it was the Punisher. For those that don’t know, a Waddle Dee (waddle dee?) is the weakest enemy from the Kirby series of games, and has no powers at all. Let’s think about that for a minute.

Kirby = non-threatening
Enemy the makes Kirby look tough = marshmallow
Ergo, Luigi = marshmallow

Again, I’m not sure what Nintendo is trying to tell us here. Then there’s the story he tells in Paper Mario 2. As you play through Mario’s quest to quash a demon, periodically, Luigi shows up to talk of his own adventures in the Waffle Kingdom. You can even buy books about it in the store. However, along with the green brother, partner’s show up with him, and usually tell a slightly different take on events from Luigi’s “adventure”. Tell you the truth, I’m not sure how much stock to put into the whole thing.

Now, why should I care about any of this? Am I a huge Luigi fan, distraught how the treatment of my favorite avatar of justice? Actually, not even close. Whenever I played a classic Mario Bros. game, first player was reserved for me. Playing pretend Mario Bros. on the playground, I was the brother in red. My various friends have always been regulated to being Luigi. He wasn’t good enough for me. And now Nintendo is intent on proving me right. So I suppose this is an apology of sorts. Arthur, I’m sorry for always making you Player 2. Friend-from-summer-after-fourth-grade, I’m sorry for always making you act out that you were my younger, less-talented brother during free time at day camp. And also for not remembering your name. That too.

(Images courtesy of Super Mario Wiki)