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  • Hijinks Reviews: Noiz2sa

    Pros: The pretty colors and shapes make it into this port of the indie classic.

    Cons: Nearly impossible to play anything but the easiest levels. Lacks the music and polish of the actual game.

    Developer: Original game: Kenta Cho. Ported by: Lazrhog.

    Version Reviewed: 1.0

    Platform: iPod Touch and iPhone

    Noiz2sa is a Kenta Cho game. If this means nothing to you, you’re not alone. Kenta Cho isn’t exactly a household name for most people. He is a, and prehaps the, premier indie shooter developer. A quick look at his website reveals an extensive library of his games (mostly vertical shooters). From a design standpoint, I like his games. He captures that colorfully eclectic style that seems to be all the rage in Japan, and keeps the gameplay simple and fun.
    Why then did I give it a 2 out of 5? Because either by design or by mistake in Lazrhog’s translation this game is impossibly hard to play. No amount of finger sliding can keep me alive for longer then 30 seconds. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

    Noiz2sa - SplashNoiz2sa1

    Gameplay in Noiz2sa revolves around shooting brightly colored squares that revolve around bigger squares over a vector graphic cityscape. Shooting them causes them to explode, releasing a small spinning blocks of four grey squares. Collecting these segmented blocks is how you score points and how you stay alive. For every block you collect you get a certain number of points and +10 to your shield to a maximum of 1000. Theoretically, if you could continue to collect blocks faster then you’re getting hit. This theory gets blown to bits almost as fast as you do in this game. Projectiles seem to hit for anywhere between 200-800 points, and in the harder stages its just flat out impossible to stay alive.
    Accepted design philosophy would dictate that you should create a game that people want to keep playing. After a few minutes of watching “Game Over” pop up every 30 seconds I was ready to quit and go back to playing Pool.

    Noiz2sa - Level SelectNoiz2sa2

    I had a pretty good time playing level 1. I could dodge the projectiles and keep my shields up while enjoying the cool landscape I was flying over. By level 5 it was a lost cause. On the ‘Endless Hard’, ‘Endless Extreme’, ‘Endless Insane’ stages I’m lucky to stay alive 20 seconds.

    Out of curiosity I downloaded the actual game from Kenta Cho’s website and played that for the purpose of comparison. I’m glad I did, because it’s definitely not the same game. For one thing, the music is fantastic and adds a lot to the experience (no music in this port). It’s still not easy, but it makes me feel like I’m playing a game and not some LSD junkie’s fantasy gone horribly wrong. I say that to make one thing clear: Noiz2sa is a great indie shooter. This port to the iPhone and the Touch is not.

  • eGlass Redux – iPod touch Theme

    Here’s the first of (hopefully) many themes I’ll be releasing for the iPod touch/iPhone. This is a updated version of the eGlass theme by exg5, this version is optimized for the iPod touch.

    Preview after the jump.

    (more…)

  • Eee PC 900 Arriving May 12th

    You heard right, the big brother of the current Eee model is hitting stores May 12th. Not only will it feature a larger screen, but it will also be available in both Windows XP and Linux flavors for the price of $549.

    How does that work you ask? One has a free OS and the other Windows, but they cost the same?! Outrageous! Actually not really, turns out if you opt for Linux you’ll be getting rewarded in the form of a 20GB SSD as opposed to the 12GB SSD with the Windows model.

    Storage space aside, both options have the same specs: 8.9-in. screen, 1GB of system memory, a 1.3-megapixel camera and a multi-touch trackpad.

  • Pile of Shame

    If there was a problem I never thought I’d have, it would be having too many games to play. Turns out that impulse spending on eBay for two weeks in a row will fill up your game shelf pretty dang quick. I think it was Garnett Lee of 1UP Yours fame who coined the term ‘Pile of Shame’. Its the pile of games that you bought with the honest desire to play…then just didn’t have time. My problem is that I had (and have) this list of games in my head that I knew were good and that I’d enjoy playing…and when I saw them on eBay for a good price I couldn’t help myself.

    Anyhow, here’s the list.

    Nintendo DS

    • Advance Wars: Days of Ruin (Started on it, then quit)
    • Advance Wars: Duel Strike (ditto)
    • Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow
    • Harvest Moon DS
    • Lunar Knights
    • Metroid Prime Hunters
    • Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Justice For All
    • Starfox Command
    • Lego Star Wars II

    PSP

    • Final Fantasy Tactics
    • Jeanne D’Arc
    • Patapon
    • X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse

    That’s thirteen games that I need to play. Moral of the story? Fred needs to stop looking at eBay.

  • Top Five Things To Do When You Have A Fever

    This past Friday I came down with some weird bug that gave me a bad sore throat and a fever around 100-101. As a consequence, I’ve had absolutely nothing to do but lay around for the past three days. As a consequence of that, I came up with the top 5 things to do when you’re laying around with a fever. Are you excited? I know I am.

    5. Listen to Podcasts. Listening to a podcast is an easy way to keep yourself from complete boredom. I recommend 1up Radio.

    4. Demand more cowbell.

    3. Play Noiz2sa and rRootage on the iPhone or iPod Touch. These games can’t hold up very well under normal circumstancs, but they take on a whole new aspect when your body is doing its best to cook your brain in your skull.

    2. Pop some pills. Need I say more?

    1. Post on Hijinks. Lucid brain activity is overrated when it comes to posting on this site. Heck, the most entertaining stuff we say is born out of sleep deprivation and high amounts of caffiene. Posting with a fever is the next logical step. Granted, judging from the quality if this post one might have reason to disagree with me.