The phone that (probably will) get me fired.

(Editor’s Note: This isn’t a review, just a sad story)

In the past month I have been late to work 3 times. If I’m late again, my employment will be terminated due to unacceptable tardiness. Would I be sad? No. But what I want to focus on is why I’m in this situation. Concisely: The Droid made me do it.

It started out simple enough. My trusty Motorola Razr (the fifth replacement in my two year contract) was on its last legs. The outside screen was shattered, the interior screen was broken, and not having my phone as an alarm clock was forcing me to rely on my old bedside clock/radio/iPhone dock. It was time for a new phone.  In the minutes before I left for the Verizon store that fateful morning I hurriedly glanced at some phone reviews. Palm Pre Plus, Blackberry Pearl, and the Droid all scored well. These were not the iPhones I had dreamt about, but they would do.

I entered the Verizon store. I looked at the fifty dollar Palm Pre Plus; too cheap. I glanced at the Blackberry Pearl; too ugly. I walked up to the Droid display; my bank account looked at me with sad, reproachful eyes. I was moving on to the ‘Multimedia’ phones when something caught my eye. It was a Droid, but it carried a price tag under a hundred dollars. What was this? The UI was friendly and intuitive, almost like it made (wait for it) Sense. I had my Goldilocks moment…this was just right. My joy in finding a reasonably priced phone made agreeing to an additional thirty dollars a month for the data plan seem almost worth it, and I was quickly out of the store and into the brave new world of 3G smart phones.  In preparation for work the next day I set my alarm on my new phone for my normal wake-up time. After a couple humiliating rounds in the Starcraft 2 beta I went to sleep.

If you have ever overslept you know exactly what I was feeling like when I woke up the next day. At first you feel a happy, rested feeling. Then the realization sets in: I should not be feeling rested right now! I woke up exactly five minutes before I had to be at work. Work is ten minutes away. Crap. That night I set my bedside alarm in addition to my phone. After all, I’m not stupid.  The next morning I was greeted by an inhuman squeal emanating from my phone. I awoke with a start, frantically trying to silence the sound. After I finally managed to turn it off I lay in my bed, breathing heavily. This alarm worked, it worked WELL.  Shaken, and slightly puzzled I got ready for work and made it on time.  Flash forward to that evening. Did I learn from my previous mistake? Nope. I set three different alarms on my Eris, but I didn’t bother setting my bedside alarm clock. Next morning. Wake up. 20 minutes late. Again. All my alarms were still set, but nothing had gone off.

Ladies and gentlemen, the future where machines control our everyday lives is no longer some dystopian myth. It is reality, and it’s called the Droid Eris. I’ve later learned that my problems stemmed from the fact that the alarms on my Eris don’t go off when the phone is on vibrate. This a singularly stupid feature. Almost as bad as having your alarms canceled by receiving a text or missing a call while you were asleep (I’m looking at you Motorola).  The only reason the Eris doesn’t really raise my ire is the price tag. I spent eighty bucks on a smart phone that does everything a two hundred dollar phone does.

Except wake me up for work.